Where the hssiss roam
by Darth Phex
Summary: Exile's crazy ordeal in the Shyrack Cave.


This is the product of a half-planned idea and shear boredom! I hope you enjoy, or else Chubaka will kidnap you and sell you to the Small World ride at Disney Land! But in all seriousness (not really) please read, review, and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own $2.00, a rubber band and nothing else including Star wars.

"Atton don't run too far ahead!"

"Oh let him go Mira. What could happen?" Arie smiled innocently, a little halo perched atop her head for added emphasis.

"Well, for one thing he could fall off the gapping cliff that's ahead." Mira frowned smacking the halo off the exile's head.

"Actually this games' so unrealistic even that is impossible."

"Ahhhhhhhhhh! Get it off! Get it off! Atton screamed running around in circles as a shyrack playfully chased him.

"_Awwww!_ That's adorable. He likes you Atton!" Arie smiled mischievously.

Mira whipped out her blaster rifle and shot the shyrack out of the air.

"Why did we come to this smelly, old cave anyway?" Mira asked as she kicked Atton out of shock.

"Kreia said that some super important sith lord was buried around here, I think she said his name was Ludo Kressh." Arie replied nonchalantly as she poked the dead shyrack with her foot.

"Does that mean you're going to investigate the reasons to why the sith revolted against one another, abandon Korridon, and are now pursuing us?" Mira said helping Atton to his feet.

"No, it means I'm going to plunder the old guy's tomb of any valuables he might have hanging around. Duh!"

They made their way to an old door with creepy purple stuff floating around it.

"_The power I felt coming through the cave is just ahead."_ Kreia's voice came eerily from nowhere.

"_I believe you are strong enough to explore the tomb ahe-. Are you paying attention!"_

"Of coarse I am." Arie replied as she continued to carve "Arie was here" into the door with her lightsaber.

"_Well listen up! You're gonna have to face the challenges of the tomb alone."_ Kreia continued.

Arie looked over her shoulder to see that Mire and Atton had gotten their asses kicked by a hssiss.

"I think I'm better off on my own." She concluded.

The Exile walked through the doors and down a hallway. At the end of that hallway in a large room stood Malak, and Bastila along with a few other random Jedi.

"Forget what the Jedi Council says. If we don't charge recklessly, head-on into war the Republic will fall!" Malak said upon Arie's arrival.

"Hey, aren't you dead?" Arie asked pointing at Malak.

"Yes, but I-."

"And weren't you also missing a jaw?"

"Yeah, but uh-."

"And how come I can stick my hand right through you almost as if you were simply a vision?" Arie questioned as she poked at Malak's shoulder.

"That's not the point!" Malak shouted angrily as he smacked Arie's hand away. "Are you going to come with Reven and I to the Mandilorian wars or not!"

"I think you mean Reven and me. But don't worry I always got nailed by that concept back at the academy." Arie explained.

"Oh yeah? You just used a conjunction at the beginning of a sentence!" Malak pointed out.

"I did?"

"Yeah. You said 'But don't worry I always got nailed by that concept back at the academy.' What now!" Malak shouted in triumph.

"Well you just used 'yeah' as a complete sentence! Every one knows you need a subject and a verb in a complete sentence! You should have said 'Yeah, You said 'but don't worry I always got nailed by that concept back at the academy.'" Beat that cue ball! Oh and to answer your first question, no I won't join you and Reven!" Arie shouted back with what little breath she had left.

"What was I thinking? I should have killed you the moment you got here! Kill her!" Malak shouted to the other Jedi.

The Jedi charged at her with Malak in the lead. Arie over-killed the attacking Jedi with force storm until they were smoldering piles of ash on the ground. Then just like that they disappeared almost like they were never there.

"They were never there! The whole time they were just visions from my past to help me morally decide whether or not my past decisions were the best ones at the time!" Arie shouted at the narrator.

"Hey, I'm just telling the story, or would you rather I end the story right now?" The disembodied voice of the narrator prompted.

"I just find it annoying that not only do you always point out the obvious and have to narrate what you say." Arie muttered under her breath.

She continued down the path entertaining herself every now and then by seeing how many shyracks she could blow up with one grenade. She soon came upon a door, in front of it lay a severed arm holding a data pad.

"He's not going to need this anymore." Arie said stooping down and taking the arm's wrist watch, leaving the data pad untouched.

Arie's jaw dropped as the door slid open. A swarm of nearly thirty shyracks flew lazily around a large room. Tearing open her backpack her jaw dropped further to discover that she was out of grenades. All she had was three computer spikes, four counterfeit credits, a half drunken bottle of Juma juice, a couple of pazaak cards, a droid flame-thrower arm, and a photo of Mical sleeping with a teddy bear that she often would blackmail him with.

She grabbed the bottle of Juma juice and threw in the center of the shyrack congregation. Before they knew what hit them Arie torched them with the droid flame-thrower arm.

The shyracks shrieked and burned to smoldering ashes.

"There goes a waste of some perfectly good Juma." Arie sighed. "But hey, I could always blackmail Mical into getting me some more." She told herself as she put the driod arm back into her backpack.

"Now where were you when I needed you!" She said pulling her lightsaber out of her backpack. A small note taped to the cylinder stated: Gone fishing!

"Smart ass." She muttered clipping the saber to her belt.

Arie continued down the path after checking her map and asking stray shyrack for directions to which they would respond by screeching and flying at her face.

She soon came to a room were a bunch of Republic soldiers were standing around.

"General!" A woman who appeared to be a Republic Captain called to Arie as she entered the room.

"General we've lost another droid transport. How can we break through the Mandalorian lines without support? The path is crawling with enemies." The women explained.

"Hey, I know what this is from - we charged the Mandalorian lines back at…now were was it?"

"It was at Malac-."

"No, no don't tell me I'll figure it out." Arie said cutting her off.

"It wasn't Telos…was it Tatooine?"

"General its Malacore!" The captain persisted.

"It was Kashyyyk!" Arie concluded triumphantly.

"It was Malacore!" The captain insisted helplessly.

"Oh I know, it was Malacore…I think." Arie said.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you all along General!"

"Why didn't you tell me it was Malacore Captain?" Arie questioned.

"Argggg! Never mind that if we charge the Mandalorian lines there's going to be heavy losses. Plus there's land mines all along the path." The Captain explained.

"Well I remember we charged forward even with the land mines there."

"But General that would be suicide!" The Captain pleaded.

"Well too bad! We wouldn't want to mess up the future by changing the past now would we?" Arie explained.

"Very well General, what ever you say." The Captain sighed rolling her eyes.

The republic soldiers charged forward into the land mines. The landmines blew up the first rows of soldiers as their comrades proceeded forward over the bridge. Finally two soldiers made it into combat with the Mandilorians and were killed within seconds by them.

"Damn it!" Arie muttered as a red dark side point sign floated above her head followed by dramatically evil music.

After a quick battle with the Mandalorians the exile pressed forward. After taking a wrong turn and finding herself stuck in a room with two hungry hssiss, Arie got back on track. She wandered through the hallways of the tomb until she got to a large room.

"You are to be commended for making it this far."

"Ahhh! Oh its just you, Kreia. You scared the crap out of me! Since when did you get black robes and a red lightsader?" Arie panted.

"You've revisited the dark moments of your past, and now you must face the present." Kreia continued.

"Uh, okay."

"Your confusion is natural. The others and I will help you understand."

"I'm not confused. Kreia are you okay?" Arie questioned waving her hand in front of Kreia's face.

"Get away from her! She's a dark Jedi!" Atton cried hysterically as he ran forward from nowhere, tripped, fell on his face, straightened up, and ignited his lightsaber.

"You're just now figuring this out?" Arie questioned raising an eyebrow.

"I've had enough of your snide contempt, Atton!" Kreia spat.

"Wow, time out you two!"

"Hey, what's the commotion here?" Bao-Dur asked as he too strolled up out of nowhere.

"Stay out of this Bao-Dur! This is a personal dispute between Atton and myself." Kreia shouted and ignited her (red) lightsaber.

"It's probably pointless to try to say anything isn't it?" Arie sighed.

"You're threatening Atton, and I'm supposed to stay out of it? No!" Bao-dur shouted in response.

"Okay this guy right here is showing way too much emotion to possibly be Bao-Dur!" Arie pointed out.

"Boo? Beep bee bee!" T3-M4 agreed rolling up and tripping Atton who hastily got back up and regained his composure.

"The three of you would challenge me? You sorely underestimate the power of the force." Kreia sneered.

"Think again, Kreia! Your dark influence will end!" Atton and the others concluded.

"You're 'friends' are all arrayed against me. Will you stand for this?" Kreia questioned turning to Arie.

"Wait… what?" I uh kinda' fell asleep. Could you sum that all up for me?" Arie shook awake.

"Choose – me or them!" Kreia pointed to the others.

"Which ever one will give me light side points." Arie sighed.

"Score! Ha, ha suckers!" Kreia boasted in victory.

Immediately Atton and the others mobbed Kreia. Arie threw in the occasional force storm but other stayed to the side. When the conflict was over Arie proceeded down the next hallway but the door to the next room wouldn't open. She then ran back up the hallway and into the previous room where Kreia stood _again!_

"You are to be commended for making it this far."

"Uh, yeah can you explain to me why the door to the next room won't open?"

"You've revisited the dark moments of your past, and now you must face the present." Kreia continued as if not hearing Arie.

"Is there an echo in here? In case you didn't notice I've already heard this routine!" Arie shouted getting more frustrated by the minute.

"Your confusion is natural. The others and I will-! Hey what are you doing!"

"Skipping the intro!" Arie raged as she stabbed Kreia with her lightsaber.

"Get away from her! She's a…" Atton cried as he tripped and fell forward. He now lay eyes on a bloody, Kreia shaped heap on the floor. "…oh."

Arie ran down the hall and kicked the door open. Finally she had reached her destination, the tomb of Ludo Kressh. However Darth Revan of all people stood in the way of her and the loot.

Revan pointed at her threateningly with one hand and shook the other angrily.

"I'm not really in the mood right now, so can we skip the fighting." Arie sighed exaggeratedly.

Revan scratched his head for a moment considering this, then shrugged and stepped aside.

Later that day…

"Hey Arie, where are we headed next?" Atton asked popping his into the exile's dorm. He was greeted by a barrage of force lightning, to which he narrowly dodged. "What's her problem?" Atton asked Mira as she passed by.

"Didn't you hear? When she got back she and Bao-Dur went over the value of the loot she got from the tomb. Turns out its all a bunch of worthless crap. She's been in her room drinking ever since."

"Mical! Get me another bottle of Juma!" Came the exile's slurred voice from the dorm.

"Why me?" Mical moaned as he walked by Atton and Mira into the exile's room wearing a French maid's outfit and caring a bottle of Juma juice on a silver platter.


End file.
